Sister Tina Ould Ndiack

Let Go and Let God

"Around the age of fourteen is where I decided to reject the Lord’s call to follow him. I was standing in front of the kitchen window doing dishes when I distinctly heard a small, yet clear voice say, “Follow me…?” I knew instinctively who this voice belonged too. I paused for a second, and then became agitated because I felt that I had had enough of feeling different and wanted to continue my journey into the normalcy of “teenage-dom”, without the added stigma of being some kind of religious killjoy (at least that’s how I saw it).  I said aloud “No”. Did I understand that at that moment I had made a choice to follow the world? Could I have imagined that the decisions that I would make thereafter, outside of the will of God, would accompany me throughout life? I would have to say “No” to both questions; simply because I did not allow myself to be open to the Lord’s way of shaping and molding my mind, body and spirit, for His purpose, as I transitioned into womanhood."

Even going through pre-teen Catechism classes could not influence my self-centered response to the Lord’s call. I clearly did not understand, nor did I want too, the ramifications of turning away from an Almighty being. I sought the approval and acceptance of man instead of the Redeemer. I wholeheartedly handed myself over to the world, and fully expected to receive all that I wanted and needed, physically and spiritually, from the same struggling mortals who were (are) not equipped to provide me with the complete care giving that only the Lord can do for His children.

My life was filled with unforgiveness, self hatred, judgment, pride, and other negative and out of balance attributes that held me captive from dedicating my life to Christ. Who knows who I could have been or the things I could have achieved if I had not rejected the Lord’s call in those early years. After years of treading an emotionally reactive and disheartening (broad) path, I decided, around 1999, to do an about-face turn and take the straight and narrow path that was offered to me years before. This straight and narrow path has an ever present luminescence that surrounds you and allows you to see with a new and improved vision (no sunglasses needed) the greatness of a loving and forgiving God who knows your sins, yet, holds out His hand to receive His creation. As you travel along this path, you are constantly being encouraged to fulfill the duty of “surrendering all”.  

Song: I Surrender All

(written by Judson W. Van DeVenter)

Verse 1:
All to Jesus, I surrender;
all to Him I freely give.
I will ever love and trust Him,
in His presence daily live.

Chorus:
I surrender all, I surrender all.
All to Thee, my blessèd Savior,
I surrender all.

Verse 2:
All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at His feet I bow.
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.

Chorus

Verse 3:
All to Jesus, I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly Thine.
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
truly know that Thou art mine.

Chorus

Verse 4:
All to Jesus, I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee.
Fill me with Thy love and power;
let Thy blessing fall on me.

Chorus

www.kovideo.net/lyrics/h/Hymn/I-Surrender-All.html

I still struggle with some of those same negative and out of balance attributes that try to grab a hold of my spirit and take me back to those days of darkness. The difference now is that I no longer seek respite in the shadows of spiritual and mental squalor. I am learning to purposely look to the Heavenly Father for direction in every area of my life…let go and let God. 

Tina